Life fucking sux at times

Sometimes I really dislike money, seriously, you need it to survive I get that and when you don't have it there will be pain.
Right now the economy is really low and that is pissing me off royally, I don't like having to turn every penny over but that's what i will have to do...
At this point I'm cutting down on the smoking too ...sure good to do, but not the reason, things like that should be because you want to, not because you HAVE TO.
And I have come to some conclusions, E blurted out that he's staying in Kinna after X-mas, fine...he's starting his business and shit like that....
But whenever I talk to him about the apartement or moving with, it feels like he's doing me a favor and will throw me out when I feel better or something to that effect, which makes me reluctant to even look for one. I've been feeling this since it was certain he was going to move.
I don't want to be a fucking charity, if I will move it's because he wants me there, not because it's more conveniant....
Some realizations hurt like fuck but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Like the one I have no friends, but why? well most likely it's because I don't like drinking and all of my aquaintances does. I like working out...none of my "friends" does, and so it goes. Sometimes I think that E is so tired of me that he'd do anything just to get out, and I can understand, I'm definatly not an easy person to live with especially with my moodswings, etc. I'd pity me too if I were everyone else.
But I'll be alright, I've said this before and I can say it again, I'd rather be alone , nobody can hurt me in that case.
Oh well we'll see how shit goes....I might post later
// Lisah