For those who knows me I am a "crazy cat lady"
My eldest cat "lilla gumman" has gotten sick, I think she might have had a brain hemorrhage and cancer in her jaw, which leads to...when to end her suffering. I still see alot of fight in her however she is 19 years old and according to the vet, there is nothing to do except for keeping her comfortable in her last days on this plane of existance.
It will be a hard time for me ahead, almost 2 years ago my precious Jim died, and now Lilla gumman, I am aware that death is a part of life, still, it doesn't hurt any less.
And now I find out that mami, is worried about me, since I take painmeds and she believes that I'm getting addicted...ehm, no I am not, it's not like I go stir crazy if I don't have them, but they do releave my backpain if I need to tattoo. I am aware that this is going to sound like a teenage thing to say, but fine, I'll stop taking any form of medication, even my perscribed meds, cuz why should I? if i am infact a junky.
Unfortunatly with the stress of lilla gumman, I will have to close myself off to the world so that I don't lash out.
I am painfully aware that my stomach will fuck up, so I won't be able to eat, anything other than fluids, which is fine, I need to loose weight anyways.
Something I do know, is that I will not speak to Mami for a while, why should I if she believes me to be a junkie.
It has been a long time since I felt so alone, I know I have friends to a certain extent but no matter what, they can't be here 24/7 and at most times I'm very much alone, which right now I don't mind. Humans tend to let you down no matter what they say,that they are gonna be there. It's not like I call anyone at 3am, unless it's someone in another country.
And the only ppl I know in other countries are Mami, and and old friend who has a life of his own.
anyways, I'm gonna try to sleep now, if I can
/Lisah
